What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
