im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I fill condoms, not promises.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
