no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize