I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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