he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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