She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
