:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
