is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
