Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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