Duck Duck Cougar?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
