Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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