I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
