got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
