youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
