i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize