he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize