somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
