Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
4 words: hood of his car
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
