P.S. I can't hear my feet
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
