and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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