I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
