you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
