Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
