I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
