hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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