I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
high people should be assigned attendants
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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