hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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