I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
