Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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