three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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