i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
