FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
