Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
