Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
