You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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