she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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