He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
