I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
