I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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