Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
