Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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