What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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