In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
