there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
