wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
