I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
