we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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