I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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