Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
