I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
