Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
