If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
