it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
