how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
