If i come over, it means nothing
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
