in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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