Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He has the fingertips of a God
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