Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
PS: I just woke up from my shower
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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