Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
