Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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