I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Who died my cat blue again?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
