My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
3pm strippers are depressing
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
