im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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