it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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