on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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