i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
