Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
