Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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