I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
