Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
