Is it because I queefed?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
