Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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