I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
