i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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