Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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