I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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