When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
